My Birthday is TOMORROW

Remember how I said my birthday is near? Well. It's tomorrow. So if you're STILL not good at math, I'll give you a hint on what day it would be: July 37. Yeah. I was born at July 37, 1345. I'm apparently still alive. Old, wrinkly, and lost all my flesh, but I'm still alive. T_T

Anyway, I'm guessing you guys don't really care when my birthday is - even if you should, 'cause if I get no birthday greetings I'm going to RAGE fo sho - so I'll liven this up with

MY GREAT BIG LIST OF THINGS I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY

'Cause, you know, I'm pretty sure you guys would be generous enough to send them to me tomorrow. (That's what she said.)

Gifto Numero Uno (great spanish there bro): Pen Tablet
Why? Dude. I wanna draw. And animate. And get started on making a bunch of comics. You think it's easy to draw something on a mouse? D:<

...

Actually it is pretty easy. BUT IT TAKES TONS OF WORK AND I'M LAZY AND YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF TORTURE THAT IS FOR LAZY PEOPLEZ. D:

Preferrably from Wacom. 'Cause, you know, Wacom's got a good rep (and that's exactly what makes it expensive. Yay, expensiveness. It's a word. :I) and I prefer things with a good rep. :I

This Gift will Cost: P5000-P10000 ($125-$250), depending on the type. At least that's what I concluded from my research. ("Research" ಠ_ಠ)

Gifto Numero Dos: Glasses

...My eyes are not the best. Unfortunately. I can't really read anything more than fourteen feet away from me unless

IT'S THIS FLIPPING BIG. ಠ_ಠ

(glob i love that emoticon now XD)

So. Yeah. Glasses.

This Gift will Cost: P2000-P5000 ($50-$125). (Or P1000000 - $25k - if I want it rimmed with diamonds. DI. AM. ONDS.

Gifto Numero Tres: A New Guitar String

Prepare to be shocked: I actually have a guitar. A pink guitar. Which I got from my dad as a Christmas gift. At Friday the 13th. (That's right, Friday the 13th. BOOM. Your move, superstition, your move.)

Unfortunately, after rigorous guitar-ing - read as: I played it four hours a day for three days before moving on to something else ._. - a string broke. And now I can't play it unless I want my music to be off. (But my music's off anyway so, meh. T_T)

This Gift will Cost: P350 ($8.75). Seriously, if you don't get me this present after looking at how CHEAP it is, then I will rage. And flood your bathroom with baked beans while you sleep. >:3

Gifto Numero Quatro (I'm Filipino. TASTE MY SPANISH, CHILDREEEEN. [Do not read that as "Taste my Spanish children". That would be messed. You sick, sick kitten. T_T]): P10k and a trip to a bookstore

...I'll spend that money like CRAY-ZAY. And by crazy I mean

CRAY. ZAY.

This Gift will Cost: If you haven't noticed, this will cost P10000 ($250). And maybe seven thousand calories while you run around trying to find me. (You never will. The bookstore be my home now. o_o)

For anyone who's interested, generous, or just plain afraid of me and my giant vat of baked beans (I pity your bathtub), please send your gift - or cheque - wrapped in paper with little kidZ faces on it....if you don't know what face to use, please use this one:

...taped with clear tape and with a little kidZ greeting card (I recommend you use the same face. Nothing says narcissistic like mah face. :3). Inside the greeting card must be your birthday wishes written in black gel ink, in English. DO NOT WRITE IN SCRIPT. I REPEAT, DO NOT WRITE IN SCRIPT. Unless you want me to go cross-eyed trying to read it. (See above face.)

Then go to your local fruit market. Ask around for a guy named Lorenzo. He's the guy trying to sell you sugar for $40. (Sugar. Right.) He will ask you a riddle concerning a guy, a cup, a name, and a butt. The answer (this is a test, see) should be, "DUUUUDE, ain't nobody got time fo yo riddles. I ought to take your sugar for what you've done." (Please don't.)

You will be led to the black market where several slugs will try to make you eat onion rings. (Onion rings. Right.) Lorenzo will lead you to an air vent. Crawl in the air vent. Deposit your gift into the big silver cat's mouth, after first typing in "NYAN" as your password. Otherwise everything and everyone will be zapped to Unicorn Island. (You don't want to be there.)

A little monkey will appear and ask you what flavor pudding you want. Say "Brown". He will smirk. Kick him. Tell him to bring the package to Island X and to find the huge white house that is 50% broken. Tell him to beware for a twerking narwhal - that is my brother. Tell the monkey that the gift is addressed to kidZeanicus Ignoramus Awesomeness McDonalds Smith.

Also give the monkey a handful of "sugar" (courtesy of Lorenzo) to protect him from a tiny whale waving crayon spears and screaming "FRUIT SALAAAAAAAAAAAAAD" - that is my other brother. 

...

Thank you for your generosity. Please come again. Don't eat the sugar. Just don't. Please. D:

Don't make the same mistake I did. Everyday I wake up and imagine someone's reading my blog. Clearly I'm insane.

Peace out. AND REMEMBER TO GIVE ME MY GIFT BY TOMORROW. If not, well, I pity not only your bathtub, but your closet as well. *creepily caresses giant vat of baked beans*