Nursery Rhymes...TRAUMATIZE CHILDREN >:O

You know what? I SUCK at blogging because all my topics are totally random and somewhat boring >.> That is why I only have a hundred and eighty pageviews! :D

So I'm going to complain (AGAIN) about nursery rhymes. It's funny that I actually found them entertaining once in my life, because some are totally lame and even violent. (It's just like Dora the Explorer D:!)

Don't believe me? Well, leave it to ME to weirdify the totally normal things in your life in one of the longest blog posts I've ever written. (You're welcome.)

1. Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after
Lalalalalalala,
Lalalalalala!
Lalalalalalala,
And Jill came tumbling after!

T_T Seriously. What kind of message are you teaching children?

These two kids go up a hill to get a pail of water. Can someone really survive with a pail of water? I mean that's just enough for their baths. "Lalalala I'm gonna get my bathwater and totally risk my life so I can smell clean lalalala"

And then Jack just FELL and broke his crown. So I'm guessing that either means three things, which are all bad:

           a) Jack is a prince. And he fell DOWN. What happens to their little kingdom now, huh? ._.
           b) The top of your head is called your "crown." T_T Serious skull fracture, people.
           c) It's one of those little plastic crown things that you get cheap at Toys R Us. :( You know how HARD it is to buy a toy with your allowance? And then you just BREAK it the day after? D:

Jill then falls and joins Jack. And then the one who made this rhyme had the nerve to add "LALALALALA" as if them becoming hospitalized and needing a brain implant and all these staples on their skull is a GOOD thing? :O

2. Rock-a-bye baby
On the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
Down came baby
Cradle, and all

Seriously. Anyone who can read can understand why this rhyme is subconsciously brainwashing children to like violence, but I'll go on anyway.

WHO PUTS A CRADLE WITH A BABY ON A TREE?

I mean, SERIOUSLY! Don't you care at all that your child WILL FALL OFF the tree and could be seriously injured?! >:O Nuff said.

3. Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
"Ashes! Ashes!"
We all fall down

Uh this is seemingly harmless, right? :)

Wrong.

This song was written about a British plague (le bubonic plague, aka the BLACK DEATH D:<) and I'll tell you about the dark, dark meaning of this song.

"Ring around the rosy" is about their disgusting rash, which was rosy red and shaped like a ring. "A pocketful of posies" was about the time when people carried fragrant herbs called posies in their pockets, because they believed the Black Death was caused by revolting smells. (If we lived at that time, that probably meant your brother's feet caused this entire thing :3.) "Ashes, ashes!" refers to the CREMATION OF THEM DEAD BODIES. "We all fall down" is pretty obvious, y'know.

Never, EVER sing this to your future children. Especially if you're British. -.-

4. (Uh this will be long)

Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling, Clementine!
Thou are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Light she was and like a fairy,
And her shoes were number nine
Herring boxes, without topses,
Sandals were for Clementine.

Drove she ducklings to the water
Ev'ry morning just at nine,
Hit her foot against a splinter,
Fell into the foaming brine.

Ruby lips above the water,
Blowing bubbles, soft and fine,
But, alas, I was no swimmer,
So I lost my Clementine..

How I missed her! How I missed her,
How I missed my Clementine,
But I kissed her little sister,
I forgot my Clementine.

>:I You know what, I can't even begin talking about what's wrong with this song. First of all, it has too many complicated words D:

Second, so WHAT if you can't swim? Throw her a lifesaver! Row out with a boat! CALL 911! You're just gonna flipping leave her to DIIIIIE?!

And, what, you just KISS HER SISTER AND FORGET ABOUT HER?!

"Clementine! Clementine! I can't live without you! I miss you so much! I'm probably gonna spend the rest of my life sulking, watching golf tournaments in my underwear and ignoring my parents' pleas for me to suck it up and get a job! CLEMENTINE NUUUUUUU--" *her sister walks by* "Uh, who's Clementine? I just saw me a hot chick! :D"

T_T This song ruins people.

5. Mary, Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells and cockleshells

And pretty maidens all in a row

Another harmless song, huh? :D

WRONG.

This song was written about Queen Mary Tudor (aka BLOODY MARY >:O) and her lovely, lovely days executing people. The garden is the GRAVEYARD, the silver bells and cockleshells are her INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE, and the maidens are the GUILLOTINES (the first guillotine was nicknamed "The Maiden").

Nursery rhymers are SO good at encrypting their songs. -.- 

*This is a makeshift jump break! :D!*

You know, I think everything that I said here can be summarized into this neat little video.

Yes, make Chuck Norris cry :>

Well, that's it for the day. This post has been a draft for three days D:

kidZ, peace out! ;D