Why I Don't Like Fanfictions About Real People

I'll go straight to the point and remove most of the fluff I so often write in most posts:

I had writer's block. I could not type another word in my novel. I decided to clear my head and look for some inspiration in Wattpad.com, which, if you were too lazy to click that beautiful link over there, is a site where you get to write (and read) neat little eBooks by neat little people.

Mmkay, so since I wasn't feeling like reading short stories or mysteries, and wasn't ready to read an entire novel or something, I decided to head to the Teen Fiction category. 'Cause, you know, I may be a whiney child online but I guess I kind of count as a teenager. ._.

Guess what I saw?

ONE DIRECTION.

ONE DIRECTION FANFICTIONS.

EVERYWHERE.

ALL ONE DIRECTION.

I COULD NOT ESCAPE.

Seriously! Plots like So-and-so got kidnapped by One Direction (seriously? T_T)...so-and-so figures no member of One Direction would fall in love with her, but, surprise, surprise...so-and-so was a friend of One Direction before they got famous, but - what's this I hear? - one of them is actually still in love with her...

Those would've been kind of good plots - and by good, I mean "at the very least, kind of tolerable" - if they weren't written about A REAL BAND WHO COULD ACTUALLY READ THE FABRICATED STORIES YOU MADE ABOUT THEM.

Okay. I know they specifically say "fiction". And I know there are a lot of teenage girls who have been struck by lovesickness thanks to those dudes and their catchy music (dang the catchy music) and fabulous swooshy hair (also dang the swooshy hair), but seriously! SERIOUSLY.

Imagine for a while that I am, say, a guy. A guy singer who is named Derp McDerpington. I am a very dashing and awesome celebrity. In fact, girls would claw at each other with rabid rage just to get a lock of my hair. (...thisisjustanexamplethisisjustanexamplethisisjustanexample...O___________O)

One day, I'm in a FANCY AND EXPENSIVE hotel room - 'cause, you know, only fancy, expensive people stay in fancy, expensive hotels .__. - and decide to relax by reading a bit of Wattpad, since I have respect for literature and talent.

I decide to read Teen Fiction. I may be a dashing and suave celebrity (...thisisjustanexamplethisisjustanexamplethisisjustanexample...), but, I'm kind of a whiney teen inside still, so I guess I'd like a bit of teen stuff.

And then what do I see?

The Vampire Singer
by McDerpingtonFan456
"Oh my goodness, you're a vampire!" I cried out, cornered, "Help! Help! Derp McDerpington is a vampire!" But...even if he was...why did I still fall under the spell of his eyes? Why didn't I hesitate to...to fall in love?

Don't Fall in Love with Me
by ISOLOVEDERP
No matter how hard I tried to hate him, he STILL loved me. Ugh! Derp McDerpington was the worst! The LAST thing I want is a famous guy in love with me; after all, there were already dozens of guys at school who liked me as well. Meh. Oh well. Better a celebrity than a sweaty jock...

derp mcderpengton, i heart u :)
by DeathNoteWazzupYeeeeaaah
um so yeah this is my first story hope you guys like it :)) she was just a random girl in the crowd, how could he notice her right???? but then everythkng changed when derp went down the stage and proposed to her?!?!?!! what should she do?!?!?!!

@#$%!
by LadyGonagall
[Insert some kind of description that must not be read by people under the age of fifteen. ._______.]

Honestly? My reaction would first be a good cackling laugh. AHA. AHA. AHAHAHAHAHA. THE YOUTH OF THIS GENERATION NEVER FAILS TO AMUSE ME.

And then I would start reading a few. Then the discomfort would set in...and my mind would be like "What the flip is with all my fans? O____O"

If you ask me, fanfictions about real people - real, living people (dead people usually don't cause me a problem, so, you're free to write about dead celebrities -3-) - are just a fan's way of trying to manipulate your life. In their own sick, fangirl-ish way.

I mean, come on. If they were regular people who just loved your music and supported you, and would be your friend because they like you and not the image of you (in my opinion, these are the kinds of fans I would love to have. they're not just fans; they're friends :3), they would just praise you and do nothing more.

Fanatics - a.k.a., psycho rabid stalkers who are convinced that they can't live without you (even if they HAVE lived without you for a good many years before they discovered you T_T) - will MANIPULATE their image of you. Oh yes. They will turn you into a vampire, a lovesick teen who could fall in love with a random fan in the crowd...they would turn you into an orphan, a werewolf, a bunny, or whatever version of you that would satisfy their crazy fan desires.

o_o I don't know about you, but, I'd stay away from those people when I become famous. 'Cause they don't really love me. At all. They claim to, anyway, and I'd probably earn their hate and vengeance after contradicting their claims, but they're not real fans.

Real fans are your supporters. No matter what happens. That doesn't mean, though, that they foam in the mouth whenever they argue with your haters, or scream like a banshee when they find out your new album is out. They maintain a healthy respect of you. Nothing more, nothing less.

And that, my friends, is the fan every good celebrity deserves. Not the One Direction-obsessed teenagers wearing One Direction merchandise from eyebrow to big toe. >.< Peace out.